Are your words and actions bringing him closer or pushing him away? Does his mood sometimes change for the worse in the middle of a conversation? Are your dates ending on a sour note, maybe even followed by some tears when he walks away? He hasn’t said “I love you” yet, but you want more from him now. It could be that you are sabotaging a good relationship with the wrong words and actions. Put yourself to the test now, or you may end up pushing him away.
The movie is over, and you’re talking in his car in front of your house. What do you say?
Sometimes I’m not sure if you really care about me.
I feel like I like you more than you like me.
You were right, [touching his hand] that was a great movie, and I loved it. Thanks. [kiss his cheek.] I know a movie that I think you’re going to like too.
If you find yourself saying you might never find a man or make him happy. You just poured vinegar in the wine. You peed on the fire. You put a boogar in his mashed potatoes. Of course your feelings are more developed than his at this point—you’re a woman. This should not be a surprise. By complimenting him, exciting him with a little sugar, and presuming that you will be getting together again, you are starting the process of pulling him into your world, and pulling yourself gently into his. This is how men fall in love, not by being bludgeoned with a “love me” stick.
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You just finished a 20-minute kissing session on the couch. What do you say?
I love you, I love you, I love you.
Damn, were going to make some beautiful babies someday, honey love.
Would you like a cup of instant coffee before you go?
Your kisses, your closeness, your warmth, and your touch just told him everything he needs to know about your feelings for him. Don’t go screwing it up with words. Show him that you are in control of your passion, and that you are already back in the real world while he is still reeling from your intoxicating kisses. And let him know that third base is out of the question for tonight. Get up and head for the kitchen. Let him cool off and feel how chilly life is without your fabulous warmth. And make him long be near you again.
You know he likes you, but you want him to love you right now. What do you do?
Make sure that every date ends up in the bedroom.
Skip the date all together and go right for the booty call.
Take small, deliberate steps to integrate your life with his—ballgames, museums, Frisbee in the park, short phone calls, shared laundry and grocery day, beer and billiards.
Don’t become a nuisance, but try to be a part of some of the things he likes to do and has to do. Share some adventures so that you will pop up in his thoughts when he thinks about his good times and the experiences of his life. Men may get smitten by lust, but they have to get bitten by love. It has to grow and flourish, and then they will discover it, once it is in bloom. And they will have no fear of love when they find that it is not a trap, but rather a wonderful nurturing place that completes them and gives them comfort and joy. Cultivate love and give it time to find your man, otherwise you may very well end up pushing him away with your over-anxious love.
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