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How To Overcome Your Dating Anxiety

First of all know that dating anxiety is a common thing. Both men and women tend to suffer from this condition, especially if it is during the first date, or worse during a blind date!

Not knowing what to expect creates an environment of uncertainty. This is the time when individuals bask in self-doubt. They allow themselves to ponder questions that lead to anxiety such as: whether or not their dates are going to like them. They also wonder if they picked the perfect place, or just the right outfit for the occasion.

When individuals experience anxiety, every little thing, even trivial concerns are magnified a hundred times. This is why people who are experiencing this condition tend to worry about things that normally they would not worry about.

But strangely enough, it is these exact same elements that come with dating that some other people find exciting. They just love the rush that goes with greeting their date for the very first time.

Some like the anticipation of what is in store for the evening. They wonder if the night would actually end with a kiss, and secretly they try device a plan that would work towards meeting this end!

Unfortunately there are some people who are prone to developing anxiety attacks when it comes to dating! Luckily, there are some things that individuals can do to counteract this evil.

Here’s a list of some of the things that you can do to keep dating anxiety in control:

1. Fess up. If your face is turning blue, and your hands are breaking into pools of sweat, it is pretty obvious that something is wrong. Why not explain to your date that you have a tendency to become nervous when it comes to dating.

Look at it this way, if you are with someone special, a person who truly cares about you, they will immediately come to your aid with words of comfort. Not only will they appreciate your honestly, but they will be supportive and make an effort to put you at ease.

2. Don’t forget to breath! Sounds simple enough, but when a person is stricken with panic attacks their heartbeat becomes accelerated and sometimes even erratic. This is why some find it difficult to breath. The best thing to do in this situation is to take long, deep breaths. This will help calm you down, until you catch your breath.

If you are in a stuffy room, or a crowded place, it would be best to excuse yourself for a few minutes so you can get out and get some fresh air. Later if you wish, you can explain what happened to your date.

2. Don’t blame yourself. Sometimes things don’t run so smoothly despite our best effort to make things go as planned. Some unexpected thing always seem to come up!

If this unexpected thing happened to be that you did not succeed in getting a handle on your anxiety during the date, therefore resulting in a bad date, don’t kill yourself with self loathing. Give yourself a break! Bad days happen to everyone, anxiety or no anxiety!

Besides if the person that you are going out with has true feelings for you, that person will be supportive. Just shrug it off, it is not a big deal!

4. Think positive thoughts. When a person starts to become riddled with self-doubt and apprehensions, this is the time when anxiety comes in.

Instead of beating yourself up mentally over your lack of self confidence and uncertainty, give yourself a pep talk. Tell yourself to relax, and enjoy the moment.

Remember that people’s attitude shape their perception of their environment. So instead of focusing on your insecurities, focus on having a good time. A little bit of attitude tweaking goes a long way in helping keep anxiety under control.

5. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Don’t set a goal to be the perfect date! This will definitely lead you to an anxiety attack! Don’t worry about saying the right things all the time. Everyone commits mistakes and foibles. The difference is most people don’t dwell on it! This is why these people don’t get anxiety attacks. They can just enjoy themselves.

Going on a date is never easy, whether you are a veteran of many heartbreaks or just new to the game. The important thing for individuals to remember is to not put too much pressure on themselves, but to have a good time!


Adult Matchmaker Australia

My Relationship Tips is your one stop for relationship advice.

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Relationship Advice: Scratch An Adult, and You’ll Find a Scared Child Underneath

“Scratch an adult, and you’ll find a scared child underneath.” Who said this? I did. Ok, it’s not a very famous quote. But, I do say it, over and over. And people shake their heads yes, acknowledging that they know what I mean.

“Under stress, we regress.” The man who trained me many years ago said this. And I say it over and over again to people all the time. Given some stress, we drop back to a younger way of behaving, feeling and thinking. You might call it the “knee jerk reaction.”

So, this is the problem with many of your relationships. We see it in the boss who over-reactes. It’s in the over-wrought parent who abuses a child in the name of discipline. And it is certainly in the relationship spats we have with our lovers.We’re all scared children reacting in knee jerk ways as soon as any stress builds up.

Unless you’re more aware than most, this pattern is not immediately obvious. It can be a mystery as to why you blew up over nothing, or why your partner seems so unreasonable when you’re trying to be so logical. At some level, and it’s usually unconscious, we’d scared. We’re afraid of experiencing some level of discomfort, and our primal training moves us to react in inappropriate ways.

Add to this that our brain has spent years and years associating negative expectations to all kinds of events and it is amazing that we can have such normal relationships most of the time.

And what about those people that “never” react? They are always so pleasing and never would say anything unsettling to anyone else. I guarantee that they are doing the same process on the inside. They cringe, they run away, they feel pain. Their over-compliant ways are actually a form of knee-jerkiness that defines a life-time.

Compliant niceness and super-negotiability are, more often than not, a way to handle their own deep down fear that they will cause someone to have such a knee jerk reaction towards them.

The Solution:

How I wish I could give you a single, smart, simple answer for this problem! Not a chance! You’ll be learning to live in more productive ways for the rest of your life. In fact, working on this one personality reality is what your relationships are particularly suited for.

Here’s the solution as simply as I can put it.

First, be aware that “Under stress, we always regress.” And good stress is still stress. Ever wonder how two people at a wonderful wedding celebration can suddenly have a huge argument? It’s because the wedding is stressful. It’s good stress, but it’s still stress. Just acknowledging that this is how life works helps us to name it and bounce back faster.

Secondly, realize that you can not stop regressions from occurring. With practice you’ll identify it faster and recover quicker, but our reactions will always be with us lurking beneath the surface. You’ll just become better and better at handling it.

Thirdly, realize what maturity really is. It is NOT stopping it, but getting out of it faster and faster each time. What bothered me several days last year, may only bother me several hours this year, and next year it may only be a three second blip. It is still there but I become less and less reactive to it.

This is the basis of my therapy work with couples. I help them get used to the things that each of them react to, to recognize what stresses each of them, and to grow in maturity so that they don’t react so strongly in the future.

I encourage you to take this short outline to heart. If I could get this little lesson deep within you, you’d never have to read another of my articles.

You will ALWAYS react, but with time and awareness you can lower the power of this reactivity and create peace and serenity for you and your partner.


Adult Matchmaker Australia

Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist who shares tips and real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight and Wisdom for your Relationships at: www.WhatWorksForCouples.com
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Scientific Dating Advice For Geeks

You enjoy math, chemistry, and you thrash out algorithms to solve practical problems. You are smart; actually, you’re a geek! But being a geek shouldn’t stop you from actively dating. It would be possible that spending too much time studying, reading, solving problems, and pursuing other “egghead” activities might leave you a little light on social techniques. Here’s a scientific way to solve your dating problem.

Given

Geeks are afraid to date. That’s a given. They are afraid they might come out too nerdy, weird or boring. But believe it or not, girls don’t avoid geeks like the plague. In fact, many people find geeks interesting and even cute. So relax, there’s no “Do Not Date” sign printed on your forehead. Dating is something that everybody does, so there’s no reason that a geek can’t do it well.

Unknown

Your biggest challenge as a geek is to overcome this fright and ask girls out. Fear not, for what is unknown to you, is laid out step by step in the solution below.

Solution

Step 1: Overcoming Communication Issues

Probably the biggest dating problem facing geeks would be communication. Geeks tend to use too much technical jargon. In social settings, this gets worse because they tend to switch to sci-fi mode and lose non-geeks with their references to scenes from Star Wars or names from the planet Tatooine. So there: not everyone is into science fiction and video games.

Step 2: Bridging the communication gap

Quite simply, this issue can be most effectively solved by the techniques of effective communication. Effective communication states that misunderstanding can be avoided if parties try to understand the person they are talking to, and try to picture their conversation from that other person’s point of view.

When you talk to someone, a potential date, imagine if she will appreciate your geeky terms. What is she like, her background? What is she interested in? Try to picture your conversation through her eyes, and visualize how she would receive what you’re saying.

Step 3: Show Your Interest

Be genuinely interested in knowing her. Be aware of where they are coming from when they are talking to you. So, in turn, you can better understand them.

Remember that in most communications, the actual words make up only 7 percent of the message, while the remaining 93% is non-verbal (body language, facial expression, eye contact, voice tone and quality). So be mindful of the messages you send.

Step 4: Take It Slow

Date unhurriedly; take time in meeting people and asking more than one girl out on a date. There’s no need to dive into a deeper relationship with someone unless you have had the time to know each other better and to see if you are emotionally ready.

Step 5: Inject Variety

Don’t confine yourself to the usual dinner in a restaurant. Set up a date where one of you prepares a meal at home. Go outdoors for a picnic, kite flying, shopping for fresh produce, a fairground or carnival. Mix the routine with the adventurous venues, and you will have a wealth of diverse experiences and stories to share with your date.

Don’t confine yourself in dating from school or the neighborhood. There are many online dating services available, even for the geek in you. Visit a dating network for geeks like you interested in science, chemists, and biologists. That’s a good place to find a perfect match.

Step 6: Enjoy!

Date to make yourself happy. Who you date is entirely your choice. Whether she is a fellow geek or not, she must be someone you want to spend time with or you will be happy to go out with.

Enjoy the conversations that you are able to carry. Enjoy the busy weekends with several, interesting girls. Enjoy the places, activities and adventures that you embark in as you go on a date. Enjoy the fact that you are getting good at dating.
Being a geek should not get in the way of dating. You simply have to attack it like a math problem that you happily tackle. Know the givens; understand the unknown; and follow the procedure to solve the unknown; and, “Eureka! Dating problem, solved!”


Adult Matchmaker Australia

You can find more dating articles at My Relationship Tips.

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